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Biden Asks For Two Bathroom Breaks During 90 Minute Debate

Joe Biden Mask

The headline at Fox News about tonight’s Trump-Biden presidential debate in Cleveland said this:

Biden campaign asking for two breaks during the 90-minute commercial-free showdown

The story says:

“Over the last several weeks, the former vice president’s campaign has also requested two breaks — one every 30 minutes — to break up the 90-minute commercial-free program. But that request has been denied by their Trump counterparts, Fox News is told.

A Trump campaign source told Fox News that ‘our guy doesn’t need breaks. He gives 90-minute speeches all the time.’”

So it appears that ole Joe can’t last a full 90-minutes on stage without two bathroom breaks. Which, it is now clear, he is not getting.

Here’s a suggestion for Joe Biden in tonight’s debate.

Depends.

Yes, those Depends.

At the risk of being accused by the Federal Elections Commission of making an in-kind contribution to the Biden campaign, here is a helpful link to what the Depends people advertise.  Their heading?

Men’s Incontinence Products
Depend® protection for men in a variety of styles, absorbencies and colors.

To save the Biden team some time, let me offer a quick summary of their choices. Depends for men comes in six varieties with a variety of colors, a helpful thing for the candidate who is pro-choice.

Starting out there’s the polite “Shields for Men”, but alas it guarantees only “Absorbency Light.” Not good under the television lights, even with a dark suit.

Next up is “Guards for Men” which offers “Absorbency Maximum.” It is rather puffy, not sure it’s a good look down, um, there.

Then there’s “Real Fit Briefs for Men” with “Absorbency Maximum.” This is better, a “Real Fit” infinitely better than a not-so-good fit.

Not to be forgotten is “Fit-Flex Underwear for Men” with “Absorbency Maximum.” This would leave ‘em guessing “is he?” or “isn’t he”, with only Joe (and Jill) knowing for sure.

But perhaps the best option for Joe would be “Protection Plus Underwear for Men” for no small reason. That would be because it offers “Absorbency Ultimate.” Ultimate might be exactly what Joe needs by the time the evening ends.

And when the evening does end and Joe climbs into his basement bed? Depends will be there for him with “Nightwear Defense Underwear for Men” with “Absorbency Overnight.”

These are tough choices, I know. But now that the Biden request for not one but two bathroom breaks every 30 minutes is out there?

Americans will, um, be watching. You can Depend on it.

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