CNN may regret having Cummings on the show…
Comedian Whitney Cummings joined CNN New Year’s Eve hosts Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen this week to bid farewell to (and roast) the year 2024.
But Cummings quickly turned her fire on CNN, Kamala Harris, and more.
“Do you like being on the road?” Cooper asked the touring comedian.
“It’s the best,” Cummings replied. “I love going around the country because you see that Americans really are more reasonable than they would be portrayed. They’re pretty great. And I’m playing bigger and bigger venues now. I thought being a mom would mean that less people would want to come see me. I’m now playing, you know, like 3,000-seat theatres, which is about the viewership of CNN these days.”
But Cummings didn’t stop there — she continued her takedown of the Left.
“This was the year that people were behaving so poorly, we started being wistful about murderers. Remember, this was the year we were like, were the Menendez brothers so bad? Were we too hard on the Menendez brothers? This was the year we could not get enough of murderers. Gypsy Rose became our favorite celebrity because murdering your mom is so brat. They had her on a red carpet, a little on the nose for a murderer, but she was, like, posing in a fancy dress. We were like, slay. And she was like, I did. And, of course, our heartthrob of the year was the alleged cold-blooded killer named Luigi, who is now in the same prison as Diddy, which I’m very upset about because Luigi already has a lower back issue.”
“This was the year nothing made sense,” she continued. “Fertility was down. Sales of baby oil was up. White supremacy groups reached record highs. It got so bad, Ariana Grande became white again. 2024 totally broke our brains. Half the people I know think we’re in a simulation. I’m starting to wonder when I go to a website and it asks me if I’m a robot or not, half the time I get the quiz wrong. I’m like, does the shadow of a bike count as a bike? I don’t know. Why am I looking at a grainy photo of a crack house?”
“We just all broke mentally this year,” she repeated. “Things got so bleak, we started watching the WNBA. Was that — what happened? And we also started watching older women in movies, equality or insanity? You tell me. Demi Moore was in a movie called ‘The Substance,’ showing that Hollywood’s ready for a woman in her 50s to star in a movie as long as a hot 28-year-old wears a leotard for most of it. Pam Anderson’s getting Oscar buzz for a movie she did wearing no makeup.”
“2024 election fried our brains,” she recalled. “The Democrats couldn’t hold a primary cause they were too busy holding a body upright. … It was amazing that the pro-choice party didn’t give their voters one when it came to the presidential candidate. Kamala was forced on us so hard, you’d think she was patented by Pfizer or Moderna.”
Watch the clip below:
